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In document Speculum (Page 30-34)


spent the night before the exams. in holy terror. wit h much prayer and fasting; half an hour's prayer, an hour's Path' And so on. I didn't get a moral uplift, for by this tim e I didn't have any morals. Nor did I go up to my bed more justified than my young brother, who had been to the picture s with one of his girls. I couldn't go to sleep, so I began to recite over the things that I knew. This was soon over, so I started to count uP the things I didn't know. That did the trick.

Some time later I was aware of somebody in my room I thought it was a burglar, so I told him where the money wasn't, and to mind the step as he went down the ball. The ity truder gave a hollow laugh, and announced that he was a spiri ti Now, I'm rather fond of spirits, but not late at night. S°, seized a boot, whereupon the Spirit made a hasty move towards

the door. He was too late, for my boot caught him in th e gastro-splenic ligament. Thoroughly cowed, the Spirit came near me to eat out o my hand, but I wouldn't let him. I sternly asked him what he meant by coming at this hour. He stammered that 1 11°5t ,1 of his clients were afraid of him, and he couldn't understair t me. So I told him that I once had an oral in Anatomy., 0 once he became deferential, doubtless fearing what I might to him. "Things are pretty hot in blazes," he said ; "but theld don't approach an Anatomy oral." This appeased me, I asked him to take a seat. He sat down on some a l

that was handy, and began to tell me his life-histo ry:

It appears that he was getting about before the Flood, seelcir l, what he might devour. At the time of tli _ Flood he was c115-6 covered stowed away on the Ark, and was promptly heav e0 overboard, not having a passport. Ever since, he had lie,1,1 condemned to go around annoying people. All this was interesting, but he shouldn't have picked on me. So I Pic' e,t, up my other boot, and took deadly aim. The Spirit bit the chi'

September, 1917. THE SPECULUM. 133

It wasn't his dust; so I proceeded to give him a damned good hiding, When I was tired, I let him up, and spoke very severely to him. He apologised, and offered to make amends.

He asked me if there was anything I wanted to know. I said I wanted to know the Path. paper. He replied that he would ask the devil about it, if I would give him leave of absence.

I gave him leave of absence, and such was his respect for me that he came back again.

The Spirit then informed me that he had the Paper on '11n, but he would only let me see it on one condition. The Condition was that I should devote five pounds to the Society Old Spirits. This seemed quite reasonable, and I agreed.

In feverish haste I copied clown the questions, and tiring rapidly of the Spirit, I sent him back to Blazes. He decided to go quietly.

In the morning I awoke with some recollection of a strange dream. On the table was a list of questions. They were:—

I. Who made you?

2. Why did the menopause? - 3. Who first discovered mercury?

4. Wasn't he pleased!

5. Discuss the price of beer in relation to such a hypo- thesis as a Five pound note.

6. (a) Who first thought of the Board of Examiners?

(b) On what date was he hanged ?

7. Name the daintiest barmaid in Melbourne? State age, if any.

Then I remembered the whole thing. Being poor but dishonest I tried to forget about the promised donation. In the end better feelings triumphed. I went forth into Melbourne reets, and there I met a man with a roving commission. I borrowed five pounds from him, and proceeded to donate it with him.

And it came to pass that we became exceeding merry.

But the following day was the morning after.



4, We have a lingering suspicion that there was a dance at


'le Alfred. Many highly sensational novelties were intro- ed, including Varley's hair-razing "Circum. Cantor."


Gandy's ball came off successfully.

Erin Mavourneen---Erin Go Bragh.

We have unearthed this interesting programme :- Balmoral Hotel,


Irish Students'

Annual Anniversary Concert.

to take place on—

St. Patricks' Eve, 1895.

Professor S. H. Butcher, LL.D., in the Chair.


Item 8 and Item 15.

Song (Topical) .. .. • .. Berry

Dr. R. J. A. Berry.

"I pant for the music 4hat is divine, My heart in its thirst is a dying flower."


A topical you sang them on that bygone Patrick's Eve, And you gave their little weaknesses a rub,

And we bet you got an encore; why, they wouldn't let you leave The parlour of the old Balmoral Pub.

We can picture you, Capelli, how you pranced along the stage, While the champagne corks were popping in between, And we bet you brought the house down when you finished tip

the page,

While you waved around your head a dead marine.

Did you brandish a shillelagh as you criticised the heads, While the audience sang Erin Mavourneen?

Did you get as much attention as you do from the third year meds.,

When the orals loom up largely on the scene?

You thought you could elude us, nor let on that you could sing' You didn't think your fame was still alive :

But we're coming round to watch you dance the good old High - land fling,

As the Scotchmen did in eighteen ninety five.

Yes, we're coining round to see you give the items once again' So you'd better learn up all the songs you know ;

And we'll guarantee you'll fetch us as you fetched the Feniail s then,

Five, ten, fifteen, twenty years ago.


September, 1917. THE SPECULUM.



Melbourne Hospital.

the Woe is us ! For the Avenger has been among us. Damn Avenger!

us And it has come to pass that the Examiners have smitten hip and thigh. A highly dangerous proceeding.

Many were called, but few got up, and those who sat for honours used God's name in vain.

, For had we not sat in the night watches, chewing tobacco, but eschewing beer! We had.

Much good it did us.

And now our enemies mock and lay gins for our feet.

And lo! we take the gins in our stride.

Moreover, some of us are not as other men, but laugh,

saying, Aha!

For some have passed through the Valley of Breath, yea, with honours.

But we, we are desolate, and our pants are torn asunder, and we know not which way to turn. So we walk backwards, For we go to our home, and the shickers go about the


Blessed are the shickers. Selah!

The place is changed. Millions of clean white coats.

The influx of new blood hampers our foot-work, but now we have always sport a clean white coat. Many of the old heads

IlaVe ceased to be, and may be noticed at any time adopting a

Professional air.


No longer is there any occasion to say, "I don't know,"

en,,up against a snag. Things is changed, and "We don't

„°u7 shunts into the limbo of unimportance, that which is

"Ot understood.

St. Vincent's Notes.

ye Owing to the curse of exams., things have of late been at r37 quiet. Even Julian's famous lectures have been sparsely

tended, notwithstanding the harrowing stories and weird d

i2ttlFstic tragedies which the rising young surgeon describes

" his own inimitable way.

Leo. Doyle, M.S.—Hearty congratulations.

As usual, Dr. Murray Morton's fine racy clinics have been Lieatur e of the year. When Murray gets you under the PunIP and hurls at you his Socratic interrogatories, then you

In document Speculum (Page 30-34)